Woman – or a man’s apocalypse

1985-aug-21Woman is a masculine apocalypse, or can be – actually, she really is.

Once I started to open up to the area of feeling into the world as it is – which obviously means, as I feel it to be – I find that women, and my beloved is the closest woman nearby, know this ‘terrain’ much better. Actually it is almost their home ground. From the very beginning they’re into the games of relationship and seem, in my eyes, much smarter at playing that game: and if it is playing that game to win, woman wins, hands down.

“Anima” – the term C.G. Jung used to designate what I would call soul, or the innermost being – is a female word, it is what animates us, makes us move and be the way we are in the rivers of life.
The first woman a man meets, the first woman I met was Mother, the source of all life – but as a baby I didn’t care about life, I cared about food and kisses and stroking and cuddling and all that. Mother was the source. That is a broken relationship for most of us, because as all women, my mother was limited by, well, her own limits.

Woman is the giver of all good feelings. No, not all – the blessing for a man is to find a whole realm that is not really women’s territory; it’s a man’s world. And I don’t mean soccer, beer and lusting. I mean measuring up occasions, accessing one’s own strengths and courage, and deciding: “I will conquer this.”
I know, conquering is really “out” these days, laying a claim to this, that and the other is really spiritually or philosophically incorrect, using one’s power and might to get what you want is totally out of whack, but it is part of being a man, as is pulling things apart and putting them back together, and being proud of being able to do so.

51c5eeb3c7fab0b7acd6186fb0150936a7a73dc7_mCrossing over in women’s terrain is dangerous, and really, I wouldn’t advise anyone to do so unless his “anima” forces him, and there is really no choice. It is dangerous because, since winning and losing is an important happening for a man, you’re going to lose most of the time. If a man’s mastery is playing the game of heroics in some form or another good enough to be proud of himself, than a woman’s mastery is playing the relationship game in such a way that she ends up in the center of a relational vortex, where being close to her is the prize.

To put it rather bluntly (a masculine ‘thing’ I guess), a women’s game is for closeness to her, and a man’s game is to being the top of the heap. Both places offer a sense of great security.
Ooops. I’m sorry, if I tread on some toes here. Being paradoxical, crying out of nowhere, almost dying because of the feeling’s strength that one encounters, being shaken by a scene on the street, endlessly mulling over how this relates to that… that’s become a major “new” part of me and all of these seem ‘female’. And I’m just beginning to study this first hand (including the f…ing feelings). Doing so I find that the women around me are expertly wielding the little knives and chisels, are in possession of all the tricks and arts that are so very necessary when conflicts arise – and arise they must. So, again, why is it dangerous ‘here’? That’s easy: woman has all the weapons in a conflict, and you don’t (if you don’t want to take back on your male armour etc.)

Well, why I write all this?
I just lost another battle – and in the end got an honorable settlement in which I could put out some claims and be heard. It’s not that women fight better or worse than men, it’s that they fight using different means. And if you have started to develop opening up on feeling levels, which means you cannot really hit the table with a fist any more and play the conflict in the way you know best (loudness, restrained violence, mental fitness, maybe)… you lose.Which means that it’s now up to her to ‘make up’, because that’s what the winner does; eitrher ‘take the cup’ and shit on the loser or draw the loser in and make him/her part of the reconciliation.

nach-klimt-2Apocalypse means revelation. The revelation is, woman is expert in feeling-field, or the feeling connection to relationship and life. Woman is expert in ‘being the womb’, in ‘holding the space’.

So, being a man, this is what I do: I turn a lost battle into a great lesson that then I write about. There is, of course, an interesting feeling dimension to this – a dimension that is typically overrated by woman and underestimated by man. The soul is an apocalyptic teacher, to a man like me…

5 Replies to “Woman – or a man’s apocalypse”

  1. And here is another very interesting quote from the same article:

    The effort and commitment that these Northern European countries have brought to this task is unprecedented. And yet, because the pattern of dominance and subordination is such a habit, raising up the value and priority of the traditionally feminine sphere of lifehome, children, relationshipand deprecating anything that has been considered masculine seems to result in a new form of domination. But it isnt a domination that is based on brute force and the threat of physical assault. It works at a more psychological levelthe constantly implied threat is the loss of intimate relationship. This left me reeling. I had thought that men would always have the upper hand because of their greater physical strength. But as psychologically sophisticated postmodern men and women, we no longer live in fear of impending physical brutality. In our secure, affluent, and secular cultures, where sexual intimacy is the highest value, our fears focalize on our need for meaningful connection with other human souls.

  2. Thank you Eostar for your interesting comment.
    Interestingly enough I’m also just reading an article by Elisabeth Dibold on masculinity and what happens if your dream comes true – as it has in Denmark & Norway. This is a striking quote:

    “Traditionally, feminine refers to the values expressed by women in the domestic sphere of caretaking and child rearing, while masculine refers to the traits needed by men in the public sphere of politics and business. Surprisingly, this is true in Northern Europe too. But whereas in modernity the male sphere was given priority, in these progressive postmodern cultures, the value has flipped. They now equate masculinity with all of the ills of modern societydomination, disconnection, and a dangerous disregard for life. Rather than creating an equality between the two spheres of life, all things masculine are considered less valuable than the feminine. Moreover, masculinity is seen as negative and problematic. Which, if you are male, is in itself a problem. “

    Working at a positive view of masculinity, I think, is important for men like me…

  3. Mushin,
    I was very impressed with your writing from the beginning – maybe so because most of the time it is too complicated for me to understand….In any case, the above article shows me that you are willing and open to learn from a bad experience.
    I often think of the difference between male and female and try to make sense of it. Much as I believe in oneness, unity, essential underlying common essence of all men and such progressive ideas, I find myself being biased when it comes to gender. We are different, even if it is not as wide a gap as people tend to make it seem. What I am finding is that some of the essential feminine qualities have been so underappreciated in our world with the rise of patriarchy that it is hard both for men and women to embrace these. Such qualities would be intuitive thinking as opposed to rational, receptivity, ability to feel and know one’e feelings, compassion, care, nurturing, sharing. In our society these qualities go unnoticed and there’s no way to capitalize off of them, so people tend to put them on the backburner.
    On the other hand when it comes to developing the above qualities it is naturally easier for women to do so.
    I believe that it is possible for all men to nurture their feminine side and there should be great emphasis placed onto this from early childhood.
    Personally, I am only ever attracted to very affeminate men, and so I had to give it some thinking why. I appreciate men who are sensitive, caring, sharing, intuitive, relying on their feelings for decisions, receptive to the new and to change, communal, not belligerent and compassionate.
    Whether these qualities re truly femenine or not, that is up to anyone to decide, and some claim that I am biased. Still, this is what I see in the world and I am looking forward to the alignment with the great feminine Galactic Center in 2012, which I believe will bring an opening for the changes that are needed.
    Thank you for your reflections and sharing.
    Blessings and Peace from Eostar

  4. Hi Isabelle,
    It’s getting harder and harder to remember the ‘typically male’ take on things.
    But basically it is in the ‘value’ given to situations, etc. that a male persective manifests. Feelings are, by and large, regarded as something that are “bad advisers”, that you shouldn’t really give in to your feelings, and that you should always be governed by what is honorable and factual.

    Woman is dangerous. And “typically male” response to that is “never surrender”! Man’s way of thinking is probably basically hierarchical – in hierarchies of heroics, honor, duty, power etc. What I recognize as akin to that type of thinking is the female approach to “hierarchies of closeness” where your closest girl/women-friends’ needs, wants, ways of doing things are much more important than the “principles” that masculine relationships need to ‘uphold’.

    But really, writing about things like this depersonalizes them for me to such a degree that I cannot think about them very clearly anymore. This is too distant from the feeling/thinking reality that has become so very important to me. That reality seems to be more inhabited by women then by men. And the women that I know closely (and I do live with 2; my girlfriend and her 14 year old daughter) are very clearly more expert in this ‘area’ than I am. And yet, I’m bringing a ‘penetrating’ and maybe also reflexive ‘energy’ to this that allows me to be with the often overwhelming aspect of feeling, where I see women get easily ‘lost’ in reactivity.

    Hope this is helpful.

  5. very interesting. william harryman suggested this article. i’m particularly taken by the image of the woman in the centre of the vortex, and by going back to the meaning of the word “apocalypse”.

    i’d be curious to hear more about the “typically” male take on this. you speak of trying to enter the female. i’d like to hear more about what that is like from a male point of view. what is the male world like vis-a-vis all this, apart from the conquering that you mention?

    i know, i know, that’s a very female question … 🙂

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